30 Nights of Terror October 7

Beverly was about to pack up her stuff and go when the Portises finally arrived, twenty minutes late.
She had considered peeing in the back yard of this wretched place but the memory of her colleague Susie Temple stopped her. Susie was so annoyed by her dilatory clients that she squatted and, well, defecated in front of the fixer upper in East Jesus as, guess what, the clients walked up the driveway. They'd had a flat tire three miles away and weren't amused by Susie's antics. Susie lost her realtor's license and bungled her new career choice, meth cook, in a literally flamboyant way.
Oh well, here are the fucking Portises at last.
Darren and Samantha Portis were a slightly attractive couple in their late twenties. They both spoke in an elongated upper New York state drawl.
" Hi, I'm Beverly Pills. Why don't .."
" Oh, Dare, this is it. They've painted it and landscaped but it looks juust like that Ann Roool book cover."
" Doctor Dickbiter's house! Get some pictures with your phone, Sammy."
" Darren, the owners prefer no amateur photos of the house or grounds."
" Oh shut up rreal estate lady. Grounds. That's rich."
" Yeahh Dare are they like the grounds Doccy Dick had for suing Ann Roool? As in nonexistent."
Sammy let out a horrid, braying guffaw. It didn't even sound human.
While the awful couple strolled around giggling and taking phone pictures Susie thought about the relative isolation of the place.
She'd have to improvise.

Dare walked around the corner of the house first. Susie let him have it with a nice two by four she'd found in the basement. The combined blood and mold was really pretty but Susie didn't have time for aesthetics. While Dare stood wobbling Susie rammed her pistol into his mouth and squeezed off two shots. Sammy was speechless for a second when she saw what was left of her DH on the ground. Exhaling loudly she grinned and said " Thank you, Bethany. I'm sorry i called you rreal est -"
Beverly only shot Sammy once, in her stomach. She screamed and complained while beverly kicked her repeatedly in the head. Beverly was reaching for her gun when, quite suddenly, Sammy quieted down, nice like. These goddamn crime tourists were always more trouble than they were worth. How long would it take to dispose of the bodies? The old sinkhole near Grippe's Farm was almost full. She tried to remember the Farmer's Almanac weather for this anniversary day. Nope, she thought as she doused the couple with accelerant, the rain should hold off long enough.

Tonight's movie: Wes Craven and Sean Cunningham's Last House on the Left.